Often times our culture tells us that the “problem of abstinence” has been fixed by contraception. It is assumed that now that we have the invention of elective permanent or temporary sterilization, sex can happen as often as we want. However, this is not how a committed sexual relationship in marriage plays out in real life. There are dozens of reasons for abstinence beyond avoiding pregnancy - illness, surgery, change in mental health, postpartum period, schedule, being in the thick of young children, and sometimes you just go through exhausting periods of life! Regularly discussing your fears, even if the conversation is messy and tense, will help keep you moving forward shoulder-to-shoulder during a time of abstinence. Often women are concerned that men will cheat or turn to pornography. Men often fear that there is just no information to go off of, that there will never be an end to the abstinence. Speak about these things, being mindful that your spouse’s expression of their concerns may be messy or rude at first, but hear them out. Plan manageable, non-sexual date nights. Drinks, an audiobook or podcast, and a 300-piece puzzle. Hire a baby sitter or trade baby sitting with another couple to go out to eat or for a walk. Pre-made icebreaker questions like “Vertelis: Relationship Edition” or “101 Conversation Starters for Couples” by Gary Chapman (neither are Catholic resources) are excellent when your brain is struggling to function at the end of the day.